Friends

A lifetime of living one way
Can’t be fixed in just one day.
I know it won’t be easy.
Nothing worth it ever is.
But I promise I’ll keep trying for you
And give it all I have to give.
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Thank you for finding me
Thank you for waiting
Thank you for being so perfectly patient.
Things are changing
Every single day
A light has now appeared
Where darkness used to stay
You’ve given me strength
And shown me there’s another way
I can leave my past behind me
And begin my new life today.
I know you’ll never leave me
Like so many before you have done
And I know you’ll always love me
As I will love you in return.

Again

Because of you

My life is a wreck

I’d pick up the pieces

If there were any left.

I’m still holding on

Gotta catch my breath.

Feelin trapped underwater

But you can’t have my death.

The joke is on you

Cause your hate gives me strength.

I’m not gonna fail

I’ll start over again.

Now I will have the life

That I had once dreamt.

I have to pray that all this pain and sadness hasn’t been entirely in vein. That for reasons far beyond my comprehension things have happened the way they have for a greater good. I have to believe that this is God’s plan. That for some unknown reason everything has happened for another unknown reason. Only to show me it’s true design far after everything has happened. I don’t believe in consequence. Everything happens for a reason… Everything.

Tic-Toc

Tic Toc, tic toc…
Blood ready to boil
As I Watch the clock.
A couple more minutes
I might just go off.
I try patiently waiting
With fear and anticipation
Of what’s happened to you
Of the worst situation
I get so worried
And I fear the worst
Pacing the floor
I’m Going back and forth
Don’t you understand
It’s not anger, its love.
It’s because I really care
That I worry this much.

A caged animal… a lion…locked in a cage… She is injured… She wants out…. She needs to run… She escapes.. She’s yet to see…and so unfortunate…she’s unaware of her fate… She can’t hunt anymore… She knows now she’s the prey… Failing to ignore instinct… is not an option here…She gets weak and tired…She’s Unable to thrive…She Lays down in the shade…Not to rest… But to die.

Choices

People always tell you that you have choices. No matter what u always have a choice. And that’s mostly true. What isn’t true about that is, what about the things that you’re FORCED to do. I can think of many things I have been forced to do. I can think of many things I’ve been forced to feel. Being forced to do anything doesn’t give you choices. Of course, you have the “choice” to “feel” what you’d like to feel, but its not that easy at all. Its not as easy as people will tell you. Its not as easy as what you hear from people who have no idea what you’re living with or what you’re going thru. Sometimes there is no choice, and all you can do is exist.

Memories

It’s so funny how we remember things.
Things that all the sudden without warning pop up into your head. You don’t know why it happens it just does. Its So strange what memories we can remember and what memories we can’t.
Memories from early childhood are that way. You remember little bits and pieces but that’s really it. It seems that we actually do have triggers to our memories. You’ll see something or smell something and all the sudden it takes us back. Sometimes to good memories or happy memories, and sadly some that are bad, or memories we wish we couldn’t remember. Childhood memories used to always be triggered for me when I’d try to go to sleep. I’d lay there, sometimes for hours with a sickened feeling. It was always the very sad memories that got me. And somehow, idk, but I just knew bad things were to come. Almost like I already knew what was going to happen. A sense of it. And those feelings haunted me almost nightly. How could I have known that bad things were Really to come? I never knew what, but I did know it wasn’t good. I dreamed about my father and grandmother dying. I think it was because I loved them so very much, and I was so afraid of losing them.

I’d give up my sight
To go back in time
Back to When
We were happy
And I felt alive
But people want to hurt you
And fill your head full of lies
For no reason but to get me
& Punish me outta spite
So I pray everyday
That what’s dark
Will soon come to light
The truth will set us free
And you’ll be back in my life