I have to pray that all this pain and sadness hasn’t been entirely in vein. That for reasons far beyond my comprehension things have happened the way they have for a greater good. I have to believe that this is God’s plan. That for some unknown reason everything has happened for another unknown reason. Only to show me it’s true design far after everything has happened. I don’t believe in consequence. Everything happens for a reason… Everything.

Advertisements

Memories

It’s so funny how we remember things.
Things that all the sudden without warning pop up into your head. You don’t know why it happens it just does. Its So strange what memories we can remember and what memories we can’t.
Memories from early childhood are that way. You remember little bits and pieces but that’s really it. It seems that we actually do have triggers to our memories. You’ll see something or smell something and all the sudden it takes us back. Sometimes to good memories or happy memories, and sadly some that are bad, or memories we wish we couldn’t remember. Childhood memories used to always be triggered for me when I’d try to go to sleep. I’d lay there, sometimes for hours with a sickened feeling. It was always the very sad memories that got me. And somehow, idk, but I just knew bad things were to come. Almost like I already knew what was going to happen. A sense of it. And those feelings haunted me almost nightly. How could I have known that bad things were Really to come? I never knew what, but I did know it wasn’t good. I dreamed about my father and grandmother dying. I think it was because I loved them so very much, and I was so afraid of losing them.